Monday, July 17, 2017


I know we had a rocky off and on relationship for most of our years. There are so many ways a child can be hurt, so much damage can be done that cannot be resolved or washed away with time. A lot of resentment, anger, pain that must be internalized, swallowed when you are young, but there simmering a whole life long.

In my memory now and in my heart, I cherish how often we laughed together. There were so many moments of laughter, the day we were out of food (and money I think) and you threw open the cupboard doors with great drama and said, "what shall we have for dinner?"  In the cupboard one can of string beans and one can of chili. We both collapsed in laughter. That is a memory I value.

You took away fear. You took away fear by never succumbing to it.

I miss you

Friday, May 5, 2017

I need a dog

Male/female I don't care, but must be fixed. Will not bring more puppies into a world already overflowing with unwanted dogs.

She must at least be eight years old; younger and there is a danger I may die before she does and her being whisked into a shelter will put her at considerable risk as few people will adopt an older dog.

I do not care if he is "pedigreed" or black or a bully dog. He must be respectful with the three bosses already here who happen to be cats. Fairly laid-back cats.
The black cat - callie, the orange cat - gulliver, the big striped cat - slim. Barn cats in their former lives, they are never allowed outside and seem perfectly happy about it.

Millie died two nights ago, a couple weeks before her Lucy died.  They were both old, very old, but still they are gone and I miss them so much. Especially after I go to bed at night - no one there now to curl up by my legs or with her snout resting on my shoulder.

So I need a new old dog - one who hopefully will enjoy a walk every morning and for the rest of the day be content to couch surf. One who will never be left alone for long or crated, but who will get lots of hugs and ear rubs and feel safe forever.

Thursday, February 23, 2017

There are monsters running the country.

There are a lot of people living in fear right now in these United States. 

The individuals making new rules, abolishing rights, abolishing protections, abolishing the Constitution are the only real threat we now face. Terrorists? They live in the White House, they sit in Congress, they are not like us, nor do they care about us. They will bleed us dry and kill us.

Do not be complacent, this is not going away. It will gather speed and intensity as it plows through our safety nets, our basic human rights, our needs and desires.

Use the military to gather and expel immigrants? If you believe immigrants have affected your ability to find employment, you have sipped the kool-aid the far right has been handing you for years. Jobs went away by the millions because Congress made a clear path for major multinational corporations to move their operations to countries where there are no environmental protections, no worker protections. Labor is very very cheap...multinational corporations have made obscene profits for the last several years and that is one of the reasons why. There are other reasons; they pay little or no taxes. Why? Because their lobbyists write the tax laws and their owned congressmen pass them. Also, they plant trillions of dollars in offshore accounts - money on which they will never pay taxes, money our government has made virtually no attempt at recovering, and of course the constant war the right wages over raising the minimum wage. The middle class and low-income citizens of this country are paying the taxes for the rich. That is why we've been squeezed over and over again; cancel this, defund that, no COLA for seniors, obscene costs of education, unlivable minimum wage, no health insurance, no paid leaves. It is difficult to fathom how any thinking adult could believe the immigrants responsible, whether they are "legal" or not.

The state of Arizona has just made a law that protesters can be arrested as "racketeers." Which is kind of humorous as Arizona has been run by racketeers for decades. Ned Warren anyone? There goes free speech and it can pass from state to state very quickly. 

Do not be quiet, do not remain still, let your voice be heard day after day after day. Trump has already begun dismantling our environmental protections. Mines can now resume dumping their waste directly into rivers and streams. Watch now as your children's rights to clean water, clean air are removed in aid of big oil, fracking, big coal. That should be the only answer you need as to whether or not Trump gives one flying F if America is "great again."  

Friday, January 6, 2017

Yes, I am angry.

So sorry it occasionally leaks out and gets in your pure face. Have been waiting and waiting to get my car in today so maybe they could fix its problems, but it wouldn't start.

Yes, I'm angry because stuff has been piling up and piling up on me and I'm buried. Health issues that are despicable, they cause me no pain, just interfere mightily with life.

No money, but that one is a given unless you're one of the favored billionaires getting tax cuts, subsidies, special this and special that for the simple reason you have perfected the art of buying congressmen who will screw veterans, low-income Americans, retirees, the handicapped, children, the homeless, and anyone else congress is supposed to be working for, but isn't.

COLA - no cost of living adjustment now for three years. Oh, I know they bragged about the mammoth .03% COLA for this year. They forgot to mention the part they take out for Medicare went up also. Completely wiped out that extra $5 that was supposed to keep up with inflation - what a joke. Sort of sounds planned doesn't it? Course congressmen and their wives don't do their own shopping, maybe don't know that bread has gone from $1.29 to close to $5 a loaf. Apply that to every other staple and it starts to look like basing the COLA on the cost of gasoline (which retirees tend to use WAY less of than the general population) is exactly what it looks like, calculated cruelty.

Having reached the age of 71 or 72, can't remember which, I am pretty close to giving up the fight. Tired deep in my bones, difficulty managing the clinical depression I've kept at bay for decades, no advocates.

Hey, and I read today that people who get visited by their children regularly live longer. Oh my, I'm whining.

Sunday, June 12, 2016

Sense of Smell

In my 30's I noted that the smell of leather had become abhorrent to me but when I asked a friend to tell me what my coat smelled like, he said, "leather, it smells good."  From then on I paid a small attention, mostly to those things I could remember the smell of well because I loved their smell.  Lemons, Nasturtiums, tomato plants, all kinds of herbs, a good perfume. Now flowers and leaves must be brought very close to my nose and often the smell is so far away so weak, that it almost isn't there. Sometimes I lie and say, "ummm that smells good." In my memory it does.  Occasionally a smell will surprise me - amazing as it is that I can identify its source. Mostly I smell nothing at all. That lack does affect how food tastes, but I've adapted. I do not know how I smell, if I do - or my house though I am constantly cleaning it with things that sound like they should smell good.  The sense of smell has not completely gone - it's always a surprise when I can smell something even at a distance. Lilacs for instance I can smell a block away. Certain perfumes - I suspect they are the good ones, if there are "good" ones. Sometimes I can smell food cooking and it is always a wonderful smell. I remember my daughter's hair and how good to bury my nose in it any old time.  In any event, this loss is a sustainable loss, inconvenient but not dangerous. Just a small betrayal by a body once delightfully young and strong and now growing old.