Yes, I am angry.

So sorry it occasionally leaks out and gets in your pure face. Have been waiting and waiting to get my car in today so maybe they could fix its problems, but it wouldn't start.

Yes, I'm angry because stuff has been piling up and piling up on me and I'm buried. Health issues that are despicable, they cause me no pain, just interfere mightily with life.

No money, but that one is a given unless you're one of the favored billionaires getting tax cuts, subsidies, special this and special that for the simple reason you have perfected the art of buying congressmen who will screw veterans, low-income Americans, retirees, the handicapped, children, the homeless, and anyone else congress is supposed to be working for, but isn't.

COLA - no cost of living adjustment now for three years. Oh, I know they bragged about the mammoth .03% COLA for this year. They forgot to mention the part they take out for Medicare went up also. Completely wiped out that extra $5 that was supposed to keep up with inflation - what a joke. Sort of sounds planned doesn't it? Course congressmen and their wives don't do their own shopping, maybe don't know that bread has gone from $1.29 to close to $5 a loaf. Apply that to every other staple and it starts to look like basing the COLA on the cost of gasoline (which retirees tend to use WAY less of than the general population) is exactly what it looks like, calculated cruelty.

Having reached the age of 71 or 72, can't remember which, I am pretty close to giving up the fight. Tired deep in my bones, difficulty managing the clinical depression I've kept at bay for decades, no advocates.

Hey, and I read today that people who get visited by their children regularly live longer. Oh my, I'm whining.

Sense of Smell

In my 30's I noted that the smell of leather had become abhorrent to me but when I asked a friend to tell me what my coat smelled like, he said, "leather, it smells good."  From then on I paid a small attention, mostly to those things I could remember the smell of well because I loved their smell.  Lemons, Nasturtiums, tomato plants, all kinds of herbs, a good perfume. Now flowers and leaves must be brought very close to my nose and often the smell is so far away so weak, that it almost isn't there. Sometimes I lie and say, "ummm that smells good." In my memory it does.  Occasionally a smell will surprise me - amazing as it is that I can identify its source. Mostly I smell nothing at all. That lack does affect how food tastes, but I've adapted. I do not know how I smell, if I do - or my house though I am constantly cleaning it with things that sound like they should smell good.  The sense of smell has not completely gone - it's always a surprise when I can smell something even at a distance. Lilacs for instance I can smell a block away. Certain perfumes - I suspect they are the good ones, if there are "good" ones. Sometimes I can smell food cooking and it is always a wonderful smell. I remember my daughter's hair and how good to bury my nose in it any old time.  In any event, this loss is a sustainable loss, inconvenient but not dangerous. Just a small betrayal by a body once delightfully young and strong and now growing old. 

DAIRY IS F**KING SCARY! The industry explained in 5 minutes

Peanut Butter Fudge

This is the peanut butter fudge I remember from my childhood, the recipe is so very old, I learned it maybe sixty years ago from my uncle and it comes with strict directions.

This is also the peanut butter fudge my children will remember from their childhoods, and they learned the making of it, the ritual, the rules, just as I did.

2 cups sugar

1 cup milk

dash of salt

2 Tablespoons Karo

Cook over medium heat until it reaches soft ball stage. For testing this, you will need to keep a small bowl of water in the refrigerator because it must be cold for a proper test. After what you consider a proper length of time, half hour or so, remove a small amount of mixture and drop into cold water. If it immediately falls apart, it isnt ready. If you can gather it into a very loose "ball," this part is done. Turn off burner.

IMPORTANT 

- these instructions must be followed exactly in order to prevent disturbing the molecules which will lead to "sugaring." A ruined batch of fudge.

Gently move pan to cold burner and let sit. Do not move the pan in any way, do not stir it, best to not even breathe around it. When the bottom of the pan is cool to the touch, the next and final step is ready. True it is difficult to judge the temp of the pan when you are not allowed to move it. Lay a finger on the pan down near the bottom. You should be able to tell if the pan is cool, COOL, not lukewarm.  If so, lift the pan gently and spread palm across the bottom. Cool?  Well then, proceed.

Add one cup of peanut butter and 1 1/2 teaspoon vanilla and stir,  stir,  stir until just before it starts to set. You'll be able to judge this in due time. Pour onto buttered plate and allow to completely cool.  Or not.

Stuff that happens when you're 70

Plumbing no longer works per original design.

Be Kind

"Being kind isn’t the same as being nice. It isn’t about superficial praise. It doesn’t mean dulling your opinions. And it shouldn’t diminish the passion with which you present them.

Being kind is fundamentally about taking responsibility for your impact on the people around you. It requires you be mindful of their feelings and considerate of the way your presence affects them."     ~Boz.Com

I'm thinking hey, gas prices have been almost reasonable for a while, wouldn't you think the cost of things would come down some to reflect that?

I would.

They haven't, in fact they've gone up again in the last month or so.  One tends to notice these things when one is living on a very sharp edge.